To Shame and Misery
by drifting-nightmare
Summary: RenoxRufus, RenoxOC, RenoxRude yaoi Angsty heartbreak with smex to boot! Final Chapter up! Hope you like it! THanks to everyone who Reviewed!
1. Chapter 1

_Trapped in your eyes,_

_Caught up with my lie._

_Forfiet and die_

_After one last try._

_Finally I'm moving on._

_Baby, this was all wrong.._

_-Chapter 1-  
_

Numbing rain fell upon Reno's shoulders as he stared blankly up at ShinRa tower. It was nearing 8 months ago that the former turk had turned in his uniform for good. After the breakup, Reno hadn't ever planned on comming back. Rufus wasn't so eager to see his ex-lover either. Yet here he was, ready to take action to fix the pain that had been plauging him. Avoiding each other was the only means the two had to deny that anything was still between them.

The emensive oak doors heightned the sence of doom that the awaiting arguement held. Heavy wood was the only thing left seperating them. Reno sighed leaving hope and understanding in the hallway before hesitantly knocking.

Rufus jumped at the sound. It was after hours as usual and the building was practically deserted. He sighed, realizing the meeting schedualed would be a trying one.

"Come in." Rufus summoned over the intercom.

Reno entered, soaked by the door in blue jeans, a black tank and a leather jacket. His hair was slightly flattened by the rain and his eyes were forelorn. "Sorry I'm late." He spoke in a soft tone as he took a seat in the guest chair adjacent from Rufus.

"I half expected you not to come at all." The president refused to let his eyes leave his paperwork.

"You mean you wish I hadn't..." His voice became as cold as frozen steal.

The pen stopped it's insistant flow of ink breifly. Rufus sighed again, tired and wanting to get finished before the dawn. He set the folder aside and regarded Reno's pale green eyes calmly. "Reno. This is your fault. You're the one who thought it was a good idea to date. You also thought quitting your job was the best way to get _me_ out of your mind. You're the one who made the decision to leave. You have no right coming back here and arguing with me now, when I'm the one who foolishly let you do as you pleased." Blue eyes glared at Reno and the red head was once more trapped in them.

"I'm returning your things. If you weren't so stuck-up you'd have seen the shoe box in my hands. It's... a picture frame and..." He trailed off opening the box lost in it's contents. It's memories. "Take it." He shoved the soaked parcel in to Rufus's hours of signatures and briefings.

"I don't want it!" Rufus protested. "Reno, the past is the past, nothing can be done to..." Rufus's office intercom interupted with two beeps. He sighed angerly. "Yes?"

"Oh! Umm.. Sorry I was just wondering if Reno was done... heh... odd timing... Um Reno you in there?" A male voice muffled by the speaker stammered nerviously. Rufus's jaw clenched as he let the former turk sound his reply.

"Yeah.. I'll be right out June." He ended the convo by pressing the off button.

"June?" Rufus inquired.

"Yes. What's the matter Rufus? Expected me not to move on. It took me a while but I finally did it. This is just some closure." Reno shrugged getting up and giving him that same cocky smile. "You're not jealous are you?"

A hard smack across the red head's pretty face felt like a shot through the heart. The president's features were rigid with hate and despise as Reno touched the reddening cheek tenderly.

"How dare you..." His voice was hardly audible. "How dare you do this to me...Coming here.. with your... your..."

"Get over it." Reno interupted. "It's over. It ended before it even began. You never even had the time for me anyway. Always working on some new project or creating something else to distract your mind. Near the end it was all just an act, on your part and mine. So I chose someone else. _Someone_ to distract me from my problems. Someone who'd listen to me complain without complaining about the complaints and who wouldn't critise me for the tiniest little details that make me me. Rufus, we were great but... it wasn't ever ment to go beyond a fling. Besides, we're just to different."

The words cut deep into the blonde's soul, tearing it to shreads. Anger, jealousy, and confusion built up inside of him rising to the limit. Rufus swallowed the bile in his throat and with a stealy tone stated, "Get out."

Reno sighed shaking his head. "Rufus. This is just another--"

"GET OUT!" ShinRa's leader yelled at his ex.

Reno gazed at Rufus a moment longer before joining June in the hallway to go home. Leaving Rufus to his mako mistress.


	2. Chapter 2

_We wished on the stars_

_For this not to end,_

_It was too good to last._

_More than we can withstend. _

_If you're going to hate me,_

_Then do it with a smile._

_'Cause baby I still love you_

_While our love is on trial._

-_Chapter 2_-

"How'd it go?" The tall man with the neatly cropped coffee brown hair asked as Reno came out of the president's office.

He sighed shaking his head. "Not very well. But what was I to expect? He hates me."

"You know.. He's not worth it then. Sure he'd be a great client but I dunno if that's such a good idea with your history together." June patted Reno's shoulder encouragingly.

"Yeah.. speaking of... don't we have a bar to get to?" His voice sounded pain-stakingly depressed.

"Sure do! But you have to cheer up if you want the pretty ones! They won't take ya if you got issues buggin' ya." June smiled. "Come on boy-o! We've got bills to pay! It's better than nothing and you know it!" Reno nodded. Betraying everything he believed in to make some cash... the lowest of lows.

The night air was damp from the downpour. _Bittersweet... just like the memories._ Reno thought. Sitting in the bar with June, he gave inviting looks to passing potential "clients". June had gotten Reno this job after finding him in an alley, drunk and mobbed. He had taken the mess home, cleaned him up, fed him, and gave him the new unglamorus life of a male escort. Reno now did only what he had to. Getting by on shameful acts of sex and not giving a damn. He laughed at jokes, flirted, seduced, and made deals. The goal was three clients a night to make at least a grand. Hardly what anyone would call a suitable lifestyle.

June was pulled away by a blonde woman with a martini. A bridesmade for the reservation stagette at the back of the bar. Reno sighed and watched him leave with his bedmate. A business man in a black suit and dusty blonde hair took a place beside him at the bar.

"I think you just got ditched." He smirked ordering another round of his gin and tonic.

"I'll see him tomorrow. It's alright. My roomate's always been the out going type." He smiled playing the shy card.

The man nodded. "Too bad. He didn't even invite one of the others along for you." A test to see if Reno was straight or taken.

"I don't need help getting anyone." Reno shrugged it off with the mystery of his sexual orentation still hidden flawlessly.

The man quirked a brow intruged. "Really? Then lets make a bet."

"How much?" Reno mused. "And over what?"

"...50 gil says you need help finding someone. You may choose anyone in the bar, and you have to do it in 3 minuets." With that he clicked a button on his watch timing the fastest turk in Midgar. "Go."

Reno waisted no time. instead of moving away from the blonde he leaned over tilting his chin up, kissing him full on without any consent. Brushing his tongue over his challenge's expertly, stopping just before the time went out. He pulled back and gave a smirk looking deep into the pale grey eyes that where filled with shock and wanting. "Care to join me?" He invited. The man blinked and nodded before he could even think not to. Reno had that effect on people. Mysterious and swauve without even trying. The watch beeped impatiently for it's owner to shut it up and realise he had lost his own game. Reno smiled and stood paying for their drinks. "The name's Reno. Remember it. You'll be screaming it later." He held out his hand.

The man blushed lightly and accepted the handshake. "Keeto. It's a pleasure. How much are you really worth?"

"700 gil a night. Higher if you think I'm worth it." He stated as they left the bar together.

"We'll just have to see then won't we?" Keeto flashed a daring smile and the backdrop changed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rufus scowled at the boxes contents. The picture was of them at a Chirstmas staff party. He could see why Reno had kept it. It had been a rare moment when Rufus smiled willingly for the camera. The wine that night was white, the restaurant they had booked was elegant and decorated to exceptional tastes. It was actually truely an enjoyable night. The gift giving was done as a group in the form of Secret Santa but that didn't stop Reno from giving Rufus his gift under the table.

A box wrapped in silver paper was left in the blonde's pocket. Reno gave a michevious smile and told him to keep it a secret until later. Hours later the party died down and the Turk escorted his charge back to his house where he was invited in to watch over Rufus, as was his job.

"Sure you'll be ok to get yourself in bed Shacho?" Reno asked.

"Of course Reno. Goodnight." The converstaion was over on his part.

"Shacho?" Reno caught the president's arm.

"Hmm?" He quirked a brow turning back to be caught by those pale rose lips. It melted everything in Rufus' body. His usual cold exterior was cracked and broken beyond repair when he was with Reno. To be held by him, to breathe his sent, to have the turk control him for a change. He moaned a soft sigh into his lover's mouth and their tongues interlaced greedily. Rufus wrapped his arms around Reno's neck never wanting to be let go. "...Reno.." He whispered as the kiss broke.

"You forgot to open your present." Reno smiled pulling it out of his pocket.

"Oh..." Rufus blinked a few times at the box in Reno's hands. He strode over to his bed and flicked on the lamp. Opening it as Reno shrugged off his blazer and slung it lazily over a chair. A silver pocket watch dangeled gracefully from a foot long metal chain. His mouth dropped open a little as he opened it to inspect the royal blue clock face. Reno was possibly the only person to know about his weakness for the deep color. On the inner wall of the clock was an ingraving that read, "_For Rufus. With Love, Reno."_ Simple enough to bring the man to realise just how much Reno cared for him.

"Marry Chirstmas Rufus." He whispered into his lover's ear. The two embraced passionately, wanting only each other. Needing only the warmth of the other's touch. Reno planted gentle kisses on Rufus's beautiful white skin. Rufus quickly reached for the light only to be stopped by Reno grabbing his wrist. "Leave it on Beautiful. I wanna see you." He smiled kissing Rufus' palm.

"What do you mean? I'm right here... It's going off... End of discussion." He demanded reaching for it again. Reno pinned his arm down easily clasping his wrists together with one hand. Damn that training. The other hand grazed down Rufus' body, undressing him of his white attire and caressing every muscle. He teased the vein prince, pushing away more fabric, exposing more flesh to be played with. Stroaking certain pressure points where he knew Rufus went crazy over. His silky red mane tickled Rufus' neck unintentionally sending shivers through him. "Reno.. please.. turn it off."

Reno laughed and shook his head. "Nope. Looks like you're just going to have to deal." He traced Rufus' stomach with his free hand down to his waist where he started to nudge off the pants in a matter of seconds. He paused staring straight into his boss' brilliant blue eyes while unfasening the button.

"Damn it Reno please..." Rufus begged struggling. He turned his head into his arm wishing to be invisble. The imperfections of scars and other human traits wanted to make him die. If he was anything less than perfect it would ruin him.

Reno loved it. He always loved seeing Rufus this way. Powerless. The best part was that his partner also wanted it. To not be in control for once was his secret desire. The turk nearly always used it to his advantage. Pulling the white pants down all the way, along with the black satin boxers that lay underneith, Reno uncovered the president's shame. He stared at Rufus a little longer. The president sighed, straining against Reno to be let go. _Damn that light... _He thought angerly. Reno's eyes, however, read the exact opposite. Savage lust ran through his veins as he stared at his prize. His errection was growing more intense by the minuet as Rufus whimpered helplessly into the pillows.

"God.. You're so fucking gorgeous..." The words escaped the red head. He let Rufus' arms go and undressed him entirely with lightning speed. Tossing the garments to the floor. Rufus gasped at the chill of the night air in the house and pleaded Reno with his eyes. "Rufus..." Reno couldn't help himself anymore. He took the blonde into his arms and covered the soft skin in kisses and playful bites. The president tore off his boyfriend's clothes without care, rubbing their erections against each other in a wild untamed rythm. Reno grabbed the lube from the drawer without looking. He sucked on Rufus' tongue, and the blonde was equally urgent. Gasping and bucking under his touch.

"Reno.. god Reno..." Rufus closed his eyes as the man fingered him up the ass. He slid the two fingers in and out expertly while pumping his own cock to the movements. The turk pulled out and straddled his lover. Entering him gently at first then picking up the speed to match their need. The lights went out and the couple sucumbed to lust's demands.

Rufus slammed the picture into a desk drawer and kicked it shut angerly, tears streaming down his face. He brought out the pocket watch and clicked it open reading the inscription. "Such lies.. Damn it Reno... Why do you have to be so cruel?" He sighed, wiping the liquid away and placing the watch back inside his pocket. He quickly did some research on his computer. A simple tracking of his ex's location. It was a device put into a certain earring the red head never took out. All turks had one somewhere on them at all times. When the were in danger a silent distress signal was issued with the employee's serial number to ShinRa and backup would be sent imediately. If it was stripped off them or in the worst senario, they died - the signal would give three beeps and turn off. Rufus had the program on all his turks as a way to insure their lives. He used this exact method to sometimes watch over Reno like a gaurdian angel. The president typed in the familar access code and serial number to get a hold on Reno's wereabouts. Then quickly grabbing his coat, he left ShinRa Tower for the evening.


	3. Chapter 3

_Your unearthly beauty,_

_How it pains me to stay._

_Without your soft touch,_

_My mind's gone astray._

_I don't care what you're doing_

_As long as I believe,_

_That you still love me._

_That's all I need._

-_Chapter 3_-

Rufus approached an old apartment complex in Sector 8. Still the same place Reno had always been but now there were two people living there instead. The door was a forgotten object, left ajar, inviting Rufus in. The man in white stepped inside cautiously looking around for trespassers. Finding the belongings undisturbed he relaxed figuring Reno wasn't there. He turned to leave when he heard a sound like a man talking in Reno's bedroom.

_Reno... are you here? Sleeping maybe?_ Rufus thought walking towards the bedroom. The voice was muffled by the door but it was definately Reno. It too was opened a crack with a dim light escaping from within. Rufus stepped in then regretted it instantly.

He froze seeing Reno handcuffed to the head board with closed eyes, moaning in pleasure while a blonde man fucked him in a quick and heated rythm. The door gave a soft thud against the wall and the two froze. The blonde turned to face Rufus who was staring shocked at Reno. The red head panted heavily coming down from his bliss and focusing on Keeto then on Rufus. Keeto glared at the president who starred dumbly at them. Obvious shock upon seeing Reno with someone else. Giving the same lustful looks to another. Making the same soft gasps and calling someone else's name in front of him. It gave his heart a firm, painful yank.

"...Keeto..." Reno's voice was quiet as he stared at Rufus. "...Can you give me a minuet?" Reno asked.

The man on top of his ex scowled and undid the cuffs pulling out from Reno who closed his eyes breifly, letting the sensation pass. Rufus still stood staring. The image staining his memory for good. Reno pulled on his boxers quickly and shoved Rufus out of the room slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Knock next time ok?!" Reno's face flushed with embarassment and anger. He turned from Rufus who blinked back to reality.

"Reno.. I- I'm sorry... I thought.. um.." He shuddered seeing it again. It didn't help matters any that seeing that expression on Reno's face while he was in the bed with Keeto made Rufus yarn for his partner all the more. "I'll just go..."

"Not until you tell me why the hell you barged in on me having sex! What the hell is wrong with you anyway?!" Reno yelled.

"The door was open.. I thought maybe you were just sleeping. How the hell was I supposed to know!?" Rufus's anger started to build.

"Godamnit Rufus.. You think you're king of the world! Just walk in where ever you-"

"Reno." Keeto emerged from the bedroom fully dressed. "My wife just called. She wants me home. Here." He lazily handed Reno 500 gil and a business card. "Call me again sometime."

Reno took them and sighed nodding. "Sorry we couldn't finish."

Rufus' features where detailed with shock, horror and disgust as Keeto leaned over to give the man a passionate kiss goodbye before he left. The sex endused red head went back to his room to put the money in his wallet. When he came back to the living room he had a set of black leather pants on. The light sheen of sweat and the musky smell of sex that hung heavily in the air made Rufus start to crave Reno with his body. His mind, however was on the completely opposite end of the spectrum. He constantly reminded himself of the act he just saw, turning himself off.

"What the hell was that?!" Rufus questioned accusingly.

"Work. Thanks alot Rufus, you made me lose a costumer." Reno said dully slumping on to his couch.

"Costumer! Reno... God Reno! Why?! What in the world made you choose THAT as an occupation?!" Rufus shook his head, a pained expression showed on his face.

"It's something I'm good at. Like being in the turks. I was good at it. There's very few things I'm good at Rufus." Reno sighed heavily.

"It's digusting Reno! You could have gotten any other job in the world!"

"You'd be surprised what blowing up a sector can do to your criminal record. No one wants to hire you if they know you're unstable." Reno's face had a sad smile. The kind that told the world 'I'm an idiot. God kill me now..'

"Fucking hell! I would have hired you back! You didn't have to-"

"Shut up! SHUT UP! I KNOW OK?! I FUCKING KNOW! BUT THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING WAY I CAN MAKE SOME CASH TO GET BY! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE ANYWAY?! JUST TO BADGER ME ON MY LIFESTYLE?!" He rose off the couch in anger taking steps toward Rufus who backed against the wall. The red head's features screamed with anger and tension. "You think you can just waltz in here and tell me how to live my life when you're the one who distroyed it?" His voice was low as he glared into the cerullian blue oceans of Rufus Shinra.

"Reno..." Rufus whispered.

"Get out." Reno backed off, walking into his room.

Rufus breathed a shaky sigh. He had almost forgotten how intimidating Reno could be. He followed him into the bedroom to finish what he came here for. He hesitated as he saw Reno lying atop the bed with his back facing the door. The slender shoulders, the pearly trace of a scar on his lower back from a mission, the long scarlet locks that fell elegantly onto the black satin sheets. Rufus ached for his touch, his smile, his kisses. It was so odd how he could forgive him of everything even after Reno had broken his heart and yelled at him. Rufus was a masochist. The years of having geostigma had gotten him used to the pain always being there. Now with it gone there was nothing left without Reno distracting him from his thoughts. He watched the pale shoulders shudder as the former turk heaved a sigh. The president knew the man didn't want the cards delt to him, but feeling helpless he took them without question. Rufus slipped off his jackets silently so as to not to disturb his crimson lover.

He hesitated for a moment watching Reno. His original intentions had been to talk and return the watch. Maybe to reminise with the man or remind him of the good times they had, just to see if any emotion still lingered. After the turk's temper he wasn't so sure. But some kind of instinct told Rufus to comfort Reno, even after he was merciless to Rufus and had taken another to his bed for money. _Just show him you're there for him and that there's another way to deal with it all... _The voice in his head whispered faintly. Rufus approached the bed deaftly. He placed a hand on Reno's shoulder but the reaction was a jump and a tearful look into his blue eyes.

Reno blinked shrugged off Rufus's hand, rolling away. The bed dipped as the blonde sat down quietly. "Reno.." His usual strict tone was for once filled with caring and quiet longing. "Look at me... please?"

The red head ignored his ex, sighing and resentfully choking back more tears that threatned to spill out. He hated this. He wanted everything back to the way it was but he knew it would never work out between them. The emotions he felt were just left over from it all. A hand gently carressed his cheek, brushing the hair out of his eyes soothingly and reaching around to nudge his face away from the covers. His eyes didn't follow his head's movement. He stared numbly at the wall while Rufus thumbed away the tears whelling up in the red head's eyes. Rufus tucked another lose strand of hair behind his lover's ear, grazing over a spot that made Reno forget himself and close his eyes at the contact. He gave a warey sigh, staring up at Rufus who's expression was pained. The seconds ticked by and both spoke not a word but knew they both felt the same way. Rufus leaned in for a kiss, then froze when he saw Reno wince and turn away quickly.

"This isn't a good idea." Reno's soft voice was near the brink of cracking. He kept it low to keep the tone level.

"Why are you being so stubborn? It's obvious we still love each other!" Rufus stated.

"Rufus... Get out. Don't come back." Reno rolled onto his stomach and faced the headboard, his heart aching to hold the blonde, to tell him he indeed still loved him. But it wasn't ment to happen... Somehow he knew things would end up worse than just this.

"...Reno..." Rufus's heart felt like breaking for the millionth time.

"Leave me alone Rufus. You don't get it. I don't love you." The tears fell mute unto the pillows and Reno couldn't believe the words he just said.

Rufus gripped the former turk's shoulder only to be rejected by Reno thorwing off the hand viciously. "I said go!" His voice, although muffled by the bedspread, was a portrait of anger.

The blonde stood, tears lodged in his throat but refusing to come. He grabbed his things and left the apartment. His aching heart pounding erractically against his ribs. Why did it hurt so much to say goodbye?


	4. Chapter 4

_Your goodbyes._

_Your soft sighs._

_Do you really not care at all?_

_When in your eyes_

_I see your lies_

_And your world starting to fall._

_-Chapter 4-_

_You're really pathetic.. you know that?_ The voice in Reno's head chided. "Shut up." He told himself out loud, burrying his face into the pillows to shed unwanted tears. Litterally crying himself to sleep.

Hours passed.

The answering machine sounded with a message from June telling Reno he found another businessman on his way home and would be out the rest of the night. It awoke the sleeping redhead back into the nightmare of his life. He went to the bathroom miserably and took a long shower to clear his head of a sleep plauged by memories of his ex. Once out he started to drink. With the amber mistress of whisky at his side Reno ignored everything around him. It didn't take long before he was smashed and prowling the streets.

Visiting bars, flirting for drinks, giving head in a bathroom stall, wondering around some more for something else to do. Reno was in his second element. His brain hummed with the buzz of the liquids he fed his stomach. Not giving a damn about where his feet led him. Vaugely he remembered checking his watch. Nearly 2 am in the morning after seeing Rufus the day before and having a blast! Yeah... he could get used to this... it wasn't so bad. No one nagging him. Just people moaning his name into the night. It wasn't so bad..

He climbed stairs for what seemed like forever. "Where's you leadin' me feet? To the top of some buildin' to jump off? Huh? Heh heh... I feel like I'm flying already!" Reno laughed at his own stupid behaviour, swaggering from side to side as he climbed. He yelled a curse to the air after tripping over the nightcrews mop bucket. "FUCKEN GODDAMN THING!" He kicked it then continued on feeling like he won a random battle and the victory fanfair should be playing at any second.

"Yahoo! Watashi-wa katazei!" He sung the words that he had sung when he was a rookie. Everytime he had beaten Rude at something those words escaped his mouth in a celebratory cheer. "Heh... Watashi-wa... no wonder why Rude thought I wuzza chick the firs...firsss... time 'e met me..." The thought apparently struck him as outragously funny. He doubled over in laughter nearly falling over onto the marble flooring.

"Oooooooohhh shiney! Hey! Who's that handsome devil?" He smiled at his reflection and stuck out his tongue at it before moving on. He quickly got lost and began pounding on doors for some help. People were out for the evening. No one answered. He pounded harder screaming curses in Japanese getting more lost until finally just falling and laughing his ass off about it. "I'M KING OF THE FUCKING WORLD!" He laughed from being overtired and the alcohol.

The door he was leaning against suddenly swung open behind him. The turk stealth and swiftness failed to catch him before he hit his head on the floor. Standing over him was a rather unimpressed Rufus Shinra with a questioning stare.

"Reno... what are you doing on the floor?" The president asked in his usual no-nonsence tone.

Reno took one look at the president and burst out laughing again. "Where's the stairs?! My feet wanna fly!"

"What? Reno..? Are you dr--"

"MORE DRUNK THAN CID FLYING THE HIGHWIND!!!! WOO!!! Can I borrow the chopper yo?!" He yelled, flailing in an attempt to stand up.

Rufus sighed and shook his head. "How the hell did you get in here?"

Reno waved a security access key with a stupid grin on his face that said 'Na na na na naa naaaaa!' "The building loves me!"

Rufus snatched the key away from him trying to slam the door on Reno before he could recover. However this just accomplished catching him off gaurd and making him lose balance. Falling on top of Rufus, who unwillingly caught him, Reno laughed and made a long whistle with the sound effect of a bomb blowing up at the end. He got up and crawled over Rufus to the mini fridge he knew was behind the filing cabnet. Rufus got up quickly dusting himself off and striding to stand infront of Reno. The former turk stopped when the top of his head softly bumped into his former charge's legs.

"Noooo! The white wall of doom!" He giggled groping up until he on his knees staring straight at the blonde's crotch. "I know how to bring it down!" His brilliant idea was that of grabbing Rufus's ass and pushing it towards his open mouth. Rufus blushed and stepped back, sending the drunk face-planting into the floor.

"What are you here for Reno?" Rufus asked in defeat.

"That's a grood question... And I'll tell you the anss-were.. in... a pigs fly momen' assooon as I think of it..." He pointed up from the floor as if it would help prove his point.

Rufus shook his head again walking away. "Get out before I call security."

"GOT IT!" Reno grabbed Rufus's ankle scrambling to get up. "The bathroom! I needs the bathroom yo!"

"Fine. It's over in the corner. After you're finished I never want to see you again." Rufus was serious and cold but he doubted Reno noticed.

"HAI!" He saluted and nearly tripped on his own feet trying to run there.

Rufus heard giggles, a short-lived drunken ballad to Reno's shoes, and a pause before a mad scramble to vomit. "Dear god I hope he got it in the toilet..." He murmured rubbing his forehead. "Reno?" He called from the door. "Reno are you ok in there?" With no reply Rufus sighed and opened the door expecting to see the man passed out in his own puddle of puke.

The former turk looked paler than Rufus had remembered seeing him in the dim lighting of the office. His hair slid over his shoulder and he clung to the toilet for dear life. Rufus winced at the sounds coming from the redhead who tried desperately to keep his hair back. Pity sank in and Rufus let his body move ahead of his mind. He gently stroaked Reno's hair holding it back as the man gave praise to the porclean goddess once more. He busied himself with retreaving a few tissues and dampening a cloth.

"S-ssorrie..." Reno slurred wiping his eyes and blowing his nose on the tissues. He wasn't going to last if Rufus turned him away now. Another part of Rufus's mind told him to let Reno leave and live through his own misery. Whatever made the man decide to haul his ex-lover's ass to the personal appartment that resided on the 80th floor of ShinRa Tower certainly cared enough to still have a fraction of hope that Reno would change his mind.

"I know this place!" Reno sounded astonished at this realization as he hung off of Rufus's left shoulder.

"Yes. You'll be staying here for tonight. You're in no shape to go looking for your way home." Rufus heaved Reno onto the couch.

"Heh heh.. You make it sound like I'm a lost puppy yo!"

"Sometimes I wonder.." Rufus collapsed on the couch beside Reno. "You're heavy."

"Nope! 132 pounds!" His stupid grin was contagious. Rufus let out a small chuckle before getting up to raid his fridge for bread suppliments. "You're sexy when you do that.. the way your eyes just kinda light up likes chrissmus trees.." He watched the blonde from his perch.

"Don't start. I remember how you get when you're drunk." Rufus brought him crackers and a tall glass of water. "Here."

"I juss figured since itsa dream an' all you'd wanna.. you know..." Reno wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"It's not a dream Reno. And if that's all you came here to do, you can forget it." Rufus refused to sit in case Reno hadn't changed.

"See.. I'm totally passed out in a gutter somewhere.. or in some sleazy hotel.. hell maybe I was lucky enough to make it home.. But I'm totally dreamin' yo." He nodded seriously. "You're just too damn hot to be real.. plus.. I.. I promised myself no matter how drunk I got I wouldn't come see you."

"Then you're completely sober." The president folded his arms and leaned against the wall.

"No I'm deffffinately drunk out of my skull. It's gonna hurt gettin' up tomorrow.." He took a swig of the water and pulled a face. "SHIT! THAT'S NOT VODKA!"

"No it's water. Drink it." Rufus ordered. Reno out of a fuzzy-mind or Turk habit did as he was told.

"But it's sooooo gross!" He whined.

"Drink." Rufus gave a slow blink ready to fall into the bed that awaited him in the next room.

Once more Reno drank. "See what I mean yo? If this wasn't a dream you wouldn't be so nice... You'd turn me out on my drunken ass... I'd be shit out of luck."

"Why do you say that?" Rufus was trying to keep him awake so he could sober up.

" 'Cause it always made me think... why'd you'd... choose a guy like me over someone like Tseng.. or... or... i dunno some chick or sumthin'. You always seemed too grood for me. Like you deserved better. I mean damn I was a down right asshole to you near the end there. I guess I thought you'd dump me firs'. Make it easy on yourself..."

Rufus stayed quiet watching Reno munch on crackers and drink water like it was his first meal in a month. His heart told him not to believe anything the drunk said but something reminded Shinra's leader that it's fastest Turk was an honest drunk. Reno suddenly stumbled around the coffee table to Rufus, hugging him.

"I'm happy this is a dream.. 'cause... 'cause it means I can tell you I lied. I still love you Rufus.."

_Forgive and forget._

_Live without regret._

_Because love's not worth the fight._

_Shut up and kiss me!_

_Fucking just miss me!_

_And hold me close tonight._


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: _Hey everyone! So this is a chapter dedicated to all the fans of this fic and the amvs I've made for it. It goes out espeacially to Evie-chan/Renobino for inspiring me to write more. sorry about the no smexmess in here but I gotta keep the angst! THE ANGST! No worries it'll come up soon enough! That's it for now. Chapter 6 coming soon! And if you want to see the amvs go on to and search for jokersdraw (spelt just like that) the two tributes are Everytime and Right Here. Enjoy yo! Lovies!

-Raven/Reno

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_

_So in this pain I see you_

_And everything you've done._

_Standing stong without me, Love..._

_So it seems that you've won._

_If this is a dream_

_Never wake me again._

_I'd rather die in my sleep_

_Then ever have this end._

_-Chapter 5-_

Rufus nearly choked on his own breath. The red head hugged him tighter not wanting to let go in case it _was_ only a dream. "I'm sorry.." Reno whispered into his ear. He was like a child, clingy and only wanting what he knew he couldn't have. He breathed in Rufus's sent. The collonge, the soft trace of strawberry shampoo, it was so real. The starch white fabric of his clothes, his shocked expression, those pale rose coloured lips... if he could only just kiss them once he wouldn't care if he woke up. As long as it was Rufus, he would be happy.

"Reno..." Rufus whispered, he wasn't sure what to do. He'd been hurt before by this man, why should he say yes at the snap of Reno's fingers? It never used to be this way. When in hell was he the one who lost control? The smell of liquor, the face of Reno's ectasy with another man, the news of his new life, the hate he saw in his ex's expression when he yelled at him... it was too much. Rufus wanted out. He didn't want to be some drunken mistake of his former lover. He didn't want to be used like that again, as some kind of escape from reality. But if that was true why did it feel so right to be held by the turk? Why was it so easy just to let go and forgive him of everything? Reno's half-lidded watery eyes stared at Rufus taking in every inch of him, almost disbelievingly. Did he really think this was a dream?

"When I wake up tomorrow... I'm coming over to beg you to take me back. If you say no, I'm gonna do it again and again until you say yes." Determination set in. Nevermind the fact that he probably wouldn't remember in the morning... no.. this.. this he would remember. He'd remember how Rufus used to smile just before he'd press his lips against Reno's jaw line, how he moved and twitched against the bed, how he would cry Reno's name breathlessly gripping on to the turk for dear life as he thrusted into him over and over. He'd remember how Rufus would look angery if Reno drank the last of the milk from the carton, how he'd straighten out his lover's clothes when they were alone, how he'd call Reno up to his office just because he missed him. How that first kiss tasted...

Reno leaned in, tempted by that last thought. He paused inches before, waiting for Rufus to turn away, push him back, say no, or for the whole dream to disappear. It didn't come. None of it - to which he was very greatful for. Rufus tilted his head slightly towards Reno's allowingly. The kiss was a mere brush of chaste affection, then another - slightly harder and more passionate. Reno's tongue traced over his lover's bottom lip imploringly, Rufus sealed the gap with his own, pressing it against Reno's, pinning it down, then backing out allowing Reno his turn at dominance. The redhead held on tightly to Rufus, trailing his fingers down the blonde's back lovingly, sucking playfully on his bottom lip. The president wrapped his arms around his turk playing with the baby fine hairs at the base of Reno's neck under his poneytail. He let out a moan into Rufus's mouth craving him, beating himself up for ever letting this angel go.

The pair stayed in that embrace until Time itself stopped to give them privacy. Only when Reno broke the kiss to stare at Rufus did it speed back up to it's normal pace. The red head looked confused. Like it should have been different. Like it was all too easy. Rufus met his eyes with longing, an expression that was easily read as "_god no.. don't stop.. don't leave me again..._" Reno's eyes trailed to somewhere on the floor. He couldn't believe it was real. The drinking, the stumbling, the absent-minded wandering, the talk, Rufus's voice, his eyes, his touch... his kiss... it was all here... The whole night had been real.. He wasn't passed out in a gutter somewhere.. he was here in the President's arms wondering if he should run or give in.

Rufus sighed and let him go, nearly pushing him away. In that second Reno had his answer. "Coward." Rufus turned away to go into the bedroom. His voice was about to break with the strain it took him to keep from crying. He'd been tricked again. Giving into temptation before even realizing the conciquence. Only when he felt Reno's arms around him again from behind did he stop, relief washing over him.

"Wake me up." He whispered.

"You are awake Reno. This isn't a dream." The blonde told him again.

"I know.. I'm just scared.." He heard the tremble in his own voice, felt the pain within his heart of losing Rufus again.

"I am too." The both of them were staring at the bed, mixed emotions swallowing them whole.

"You take the bed.. I'll... I'll umm... take the couch.." Reno turned with his eyes downcast.

Rufus grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the bed. "Its cold up here at night alone.. and I could use the company.."

"Rufus.. I..." Reno started staring into his eyes then down at the slender fingers that pulled him ever so closer until Rufus sat on the edge of the bed and tugged on his arm some more.

Reno fell off balance and landed on top of the president. Both men froze as they realised the position they were in. As if on cue the cell phone in Reno's pocket rang, it's cries of attention driving both men insane.

Reno clicked it open and climbed off Rufus to stand by the doorway. _Saved by the bell... or betrayed by it... _ The redhead thought as he answered, refusing to look at the man on the bed as he did so. "Moshi moshi?"

"Ah.. Reno. Where might you be right now? At home I hope." Keeto's deep voice purred from the other end.

"No Sorry. I... I'm busy tonight yo." Reno's heart sank. This wouldn't help any matters at all if Rufus knew who he was talking to.

"Ah ah.. that's not good for business Ren. Meet me at your house in half an hour or consider yourself a deadman." Keeto was serious. As the next leader in the business world it was obvious he didn't get where he was by letting opportunities slip him by.

"What? Oye.. no I'm busy I've... hello? Hello?!" The click on the other end on the phone ment Reno had to give in. "Shit." He shook his head and started to leave as Rufus grabbed his arm tightly.

"Reno.. What was that about?" he asked.

Reno shrugged him off and made a B-line for the door. "Nothin'. Look I gotta go ok? Sorry. Maybe this is a sign... I don't know... I just... it feels right but it's alot to think about Rufus... I- I gotta go." He ran down to the elevator and escaped from Shinra tower wishing he could go back.

"Coward..." Rufus muttered to the closed door.

_After the dawn's broken. _

_After the moon has set._

_I'll kiss your eyes gently, _

_And pretend we never met._

_I don't know how to act_

_and I don't know what to say, _

_to make this any better_

_or to get you to stay..._


	6. Chapter 6

_So you lied again_

_Just to see what I would do._

_You lied again_

_Just to see if I'd go running back to you._

_Weren't we over this?_

_Didn't we say goodbye?_

_I'm fed up with this._

_Darling you're making me cry.._

_-Chapter 6-_

Reno cursed himself twenty times over before he stepped through the door to his shabby apartment. He ran over various senarios in his mind of how he'd tell off Keeto and win back Rufus. His mind drew a blank when he saw the businessman in a sharp black charcoal grey suit sitting on his couch with a mug of freash coffee laughing at something the idiot of a roomate, June had said.

"Ah Reno!" Keeto smiled and strolled casually over to the still tipsy redhead in the doorway who was removing his shoes.

"Reno I promise I won't get in your way I'm gone in 2 minuets I swear!" June was getting himself ready for a night of work, leather pants and a red tank top with gelled spikes atop his head.

"You look so gay yo." Reno called to him from the living room.

"Really? Well that's ok. I had 6 girls from a stagette last night." He flashed a devilish grin impling that it was 6 girls at the same time.

Reno shrugged and handed over 40 gil to the bouncing tramp. "We're out of Whisky."

"Hai!" He saluted and skipped out the door kissing Keeto's cheek lightly before leaving. "Enjoy yourselves boys!" He called.

Reno shook his head and flopped on the couch. "You owe me."

"Tsk tsk tsk... Reno... that's no way to welcome me." Keeto advanced to him, meeting his lips with a passionate kiss.

Reno sighed playing into the kiss. Falling in line. Following orders. It was the only thing he was good at anymore. Just another lapdog. When he broke the kiss he whispered an apology to his client. "Forgive me if I kept you waiting."

"Enough. I have a proposition for you Ren." Keeto smiled sitting back down to drink his coffee.

"Which is?" Reno sat beside him and easily pulled the charcoal blazer off Keeto, playing the seductive role of a firey redhead lover. Something exotic and forever unattainable. He massaged the tense muscles of his client's shoulders.

"I'm going to hire you. I can tell you don't like your life at the moment. Getting payed shit for how good you are at your job and living in this crummy apartment. If you work for me I'll pay you double what you got payed at ShinRa and supply you with your own penthouse suite. It'll be in my company's condominium housing complex. Sound like a deal pet?" Keeto leaned back into Reno stroaking the side of his face tenderly.

"And what would I be doing for you?" Reno had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as the blonde's eyes fluttered shut and a soft moan escaped his lips.

"It's easy.. Just be there when I need you. You can do whatever I wish, just be there when I need you." He gave a sly smile tilting his chin up for a kiss. Reno gave in, greedily licking at Keeto's bottom lip for entry into his mouth. The kiss quickly heated up as Reno's wicked fast fingertips pulled off the tie and white dress shirt. Keeto broke it to change position, pinning the redhead beneith himself, nudging the bludge growing ever stiffer between Reno's legs.

He bit Reno's neck with fierce intensity. The former turk's breath hitched and he pushed Keeto away. "I...I can't.. I can't do this..."

The blonde wasn't impressed. "I'll triple it." His tone was serious as he advanced on Reno again, using his tie to clasp the whore's hands together behind his back. "You will work for me Reno. Or you'll die. I don't like it when I'm told no." He pulled Reno's head back by the hair and kissed him, forcefully sliding his tounge into the redheads mouth. Reno winced as Keeto started undoing the red's pants. "I don't care what it takes. You're mine." The words were thick with lust and held dangerous venom in them.

Reno struggled wildly, he wouldn't let this happen. He wasn't Keeto's, he wasn't anyone's bitch or slave. He wouldn't stand for any of it. Keeto fought for control over the redhead but the fastest turk was too much for him. He headbutted the blond and pushed both their bodies off the couch, spinning, arms outstreatched behind him, clubbing Keeto across the face with dead-on accuracy. He quickly climbed over his hands to bring them in front and book it out the door before the man got a chance to recover.

Keeto let his teeth grind as he stood in the apartment alone.


	7. Chapter 7

_Temptation flees._

_Fear sets in._

_What happens when_

_You won't see me again?_

_Believe me when I tell you_

_How sorry I am._

_Believe me when I tell you_

_That I'm a better man._

_-Chapter 7-_

Reno panted as his blood ran like fire and his heart refused to cease pounding against his ribs. It was well into morning. People would start getting up soon to start their lives... he had no where to go.. No where to run to. Reno only hoped for the one person he knew he could trust.

The morning air was damp and stank of car exhaust. It began to rain as he reached the steps of an apartment complex. He buzzed the speaker and waited. No reply. He buzzed agian.

"...Rude... Sorry for wakin' you up buddy. I... I need your help yo..." Reno's voice broke off as he tried to console himself. He was chicken shit and lost. He needed a friend.. even if it was an ex-boyfriend.

"Ren...? What time is it?" Rude's gruff voice sounded heavy with sleep. Reno imagined him rubbing sleep from one eye with the heel of his hand as he leaned on the speaker button for support. Tanned, toned, honey coloured body streatching slightly in the dim light of the apartment.

"Around 5 am I think yo.. come on man.. Let me in?" Reno pleaded, trying to sound normal.

"Yeah.. gimmie a minuet.." The door buzzed open and Reno walked through to the elevator, pressing for floor 19.

Rude opened his door when Reno knocked softly on the painted wood. He looked his former partner up and down with consern. He hadn't seen the redhead since he left ShinRa but the image before him now was far from the strong carefree Turk he once was. _Reno... What happend to you...?_

The redhead's eyes had lost their shine and were swollen from crying, his body was soaked from the morning rain and sweat. His clothes hung off his framed torso stained with alcohol and cigarette burns. His hair wasn't as radiant as it used to be and his whole stance screamed with fatigue. He came in with a faked smile.

"Morning Sunshine!" His voice sounded on the verge of breaking.

"Reno..." Rude started quirking a brow. The honey toned eyes, free of the shades that shielded them from the world, gazed sadly at the red head.

"Yo... I'm sorry about comin' here so unexpected.. and so early... I mean.. I know it's like... well.. you know... weird an all but I didn't have anywhere to go... I'll make it up to you. You get ready for work and I'll make bacon and eggs yo! Still keep them in the same... the same... spot... right..?" Reno froze seeing a woman's purse on the coffee table.

"Reno.." Rude touched his shoulder gently trying to turn him around.

The redhead flinched away suddenly, head down, eyes hidden with hair, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Ren.. hey... come here... what's wrong?" he gently pulled the man into a soft embrace. Reno shook with the effort of not crying in the Turk's arms. It was always that way.. there was nothing he could keep from Rude... nothing in the world...

_It would have worked with Rude..._ Reno thought through sobs. The larger man stroaked the damp crimson mane and held his ex close. It was just like.. Just like back when Reno first told Rude how he felt... Just like when they were together.

"Come on Ren... Stop crying.." Rude cooed.

That just made him cry all the more, breaking down and falling to his knees. Rude went with him cuddling him, rocking him back and forth. It was useless.. He had no where to go.. no one to run to. No one to kiss the pain away... no Rufus.. no Rude.. no one...

"Rude... I.. can't do it anymore.. I just.. I can't deal yo!" he blurted through sobs.

"Shhh.." Rude eyed the bedroom door then focused back on the red head.

"Who is she? I... I'll fucken-" He choked off the rest of his sentence with a moan knowing there was nothing he could do. Rude was a free man. He had been for nearly 6 years. But there was apart of him that always had waited for this.

"Reno... please keep it down..." Rude whispered to the man in his arms, stroaking his hair in the slowly brightening apartment. He'd always loved how it was silky soft, like kitten fur, but longer... the tail he ran his fingers over now wasn't... it was as tangled and messy as it's whimpering heap of an owner was now.

"Rude.. I'm sorry... I.. I just need a friend.. I need someone who's not after me or my body... I just... I can't..." He babbled.

Rude had another episode of deja vu. Reno huddled against his chest muttering about how he was sick of the way he was lying to Rude. Sick of having to choke down three simple words every time he saw his partner. Back then Rude had stroaked his face and told him it was ok. Reno had bitten his lip and refused to look into Rude's eyes. It was the perfect chance. He tilted the red head's chin up just a little bit and met his quivering lips with his own. The taste came flooding back to him in a rush of memory, salt from tears, the small gasp, then the relaxed muscles in Reno's jaw which were trailed gracefully with a caramel fingertip. Rude nipped at Reno's bottom lip coaxingly. He tongued it, easing it open sliping it inside Reno's mouth. The turk whimpered slightly as he stroaked Rude's tongue with his own.

Rude snapped back to reality as he heard a tired female voice say, "Rude...?"

His eyes opened to meet Reno's which were frozen in shock on Rude's face as he pulled away from the kiss. The beautiful green orbs blinked then looked away as Rude got up to hurry Olivia out of the room. The turks face flushed as he tried to explain the situation. Her voice was soft as she gathered her things and hurried out.

"Olivia... wait! I can explain!" Rude called down the hall.

She paused and gave a sad smile before continuing on. He didn't understand it... but obviously she did and was just trying to make it easier on the both of them.

He turned back to the puddle of Reno in his apartment. "I'm sorry.." He whispered, wrapping his arms around the former turk once more.

Reno pulled away shaking his head. "No.. I shouldn't have come here... I should have known better... this is my fault.. all of it.. our break-up, Keeto's infatuation, the fact my life is so fucked up. I should have never have broken up with Rufus."

Rude's heart turned into a rock in his chest... a heavy one. He swallowed down the last remants of that sentence and stayed around Reno, frozen like a statue. "You were never happy when you were with him." His tone was filled with jeliousy and hurt. Reno regretted what he had said instantly.

"Gomen-ne.. Aibou..." Reno whispered.

Rude released him while pushing him back. "We're not partners anymore Reno."

Reno couldn't face those honey coloured gems. He had screwed up again just by coming here. "Look Rude... I need your help yo.. I... I've got no where else to go."

"What have you done now?" He sighed getting up to put on some coffee. He debated on calling in sick to work that morning.

"After I left ShinRa there was no where else to go. No one wanted to hire a former lapdog for the company that's distroying the planet. Although apparently they'll pay good gil to it to heat there homes and shit. Anyway... I had one place tell me that they'd rather hire a slumming hobo from Sector 1 than have me. I couldn't find anywhere that would take me so I stuck with what I was good at..."

"Getting drunk or getting fired?" Rude tried to lighten the mood.

"Heh... close yo. Getting laid." Reno gave that sad smile again. The fake one. The lost one. Rude choked on his coffee and gave Reno a questioning glace to which he bluntly stated. "I'm a whore Rude."

"...Ren.." His gaze was filled with concern, worry and something that said _"Why?"_

"Tch... Rude. You know I'm a fuck up." Reno wiped away a few stray tears while moving to lean against a wall, his back facing the Turk.

Rude stayed quiet staring into his mug. He placed it down gently and moved to Reno's side. "You should have told me." He said wrapping his muscular arms around his former partner once more. His skin smelled like spices and that expensive musky colongue he always used. Reno breathed in deep, losing himself in a moment of forgotten ecstacy. He had a sudden flashback of his former lover's body pressed against his own, the blending of skin tones and airey moans escaping into the night.

His creamy white skin trembling against the bedspread under that expanse of permanent exotic costa del sol tan. The way that the moonlight hinted at Rude's outline as he rocked them both back and forth in a rythm so unlike any other he had ever experienced. Why did it always feel so right to be with that man? Why did he leave? It was comforting to be in his arms, to be this close to him..

"I couldn't control it. There was nothing for me.. I relied on what I knew ok? Did you think in all the years that I spent in the slums taught me nothing about how to survive? You do the best you can yo, and even if it's not what everybody thinks you should be doing, you do it anyway because it's the only way you know how." His tears fell of their own will on to Rude's arm. They felt surprisingly cold against his flesh. He turned Reno around to look at him.

"Reno... You're a Turk. Grow up. You're not apart of that past anymore and you don't have to be. Look... I -"

"You don't understand Rude." Reno interupted, breaking away from him and shaking his head. "I can't go back to Rufus. I can't go back to Keeto. I can't go back to any of it... I shouldn't have even come back to you." Rude flinched at that. "But it's the only way I know how to do anything. I'm a coward and a cheat. I lie, I steal, I run, then I do it over. It's my only escape. Look I'm sorry for dragging you into this but you've got to help me out yo. Just let me stay here a while ok?" Reno pleaded.

The bald man sighed and checked the time on the microwave. He had to be at work in half an hour. Not even enough time to call in sick or call Olivia and explain. He looked back to Reno trying to decide what to do. If he let him stay he'd have to keep it from everyone at the office so it wouldn't leak out to Rufus. He'd have to deal with the fact that it's Reno and try to convince himself over and over that their was nothing between them anymore, he'd have to watch himself around the redhead and make sure not to say the wrong thing for fear of reminding him of his ex or _their_ past relationship _and_ for fear of leading him on. It seemed like alot of stress... Alot of which he didn't need. But it was Reno... they had been best friends, collegues, partners, lovers, fiances... Rude swallowed it down. Hesitantly, he nodded.

Reno let out a sigh of relief and hugged him whispering "Thank you." over and over.

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Across the city watching the sun rise like liquid fire, Rufus Shinra let it go. He turned away from his window and just finally let Reno go. It wasn't worth it to keep waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

_And as the world stops spinning_

_The final score is this…_

_I'll die a thousand times tonight_

_Just for your very kiss._

_-Chapter 8-_

"Ruu.." Reno whispered to him pulling him close.

Rufus pulled the drain and stepped out of the tub. Reno stayed where he was, still unsure of his surroundings. The president stroked his lover's chin after wrapping a towel around his waist. He guided Reno carefully out of the tub and dried him off affectionately.

The redhead searched up the pale torso of Rufus Shinra, tenderly leaving feather touches all over the blonde. Rufus stayed still watching his blind pet, letting the sensations briefly calm then excite him. Reno found what he was searching for. He tilted up Rufus's chin, gently brushing the pad of his thumb against his soft lips.

Lips met. Tongues melted together. Soft and loving. Reno wrapped his arms around Rufus's waist as the blonde unfurled the blindfold. Reno opened his eyes focusing on Rufus's beautiful cerulean blues. Tears escaped down the president's cheek as they stared at one another.

"Reno…" Rufus whispered. His eyes were pleading.

"Shhh… I'm tired of fighting with you. I just want it all to go back to the way it was before. I'm sorry Rufus." Reno hugged the blonde tightly before the image faded.

"Reno…" Rufus called seeing the world around him fade to black. Reno's beautiful form grew farther and farther away from him, smiling sadly then finally fading and turning away. "Reno?! NO! Don't leave me! Not again!! Reno! RENO!!!" He called falling to his knees before the harsh reality that it was all just a dream set in.

Rufus called over and over for his lover awaking to an empty bedroom. The bed was too big to sleep alone in and felt cold to his aching heart. Tears weld in his eyes and he screamed in frustration.

"GOD DAMN IT WHY?! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME RENO?! WHY?!?!" He screamed to the emptiness around him. He cried out his anger alone, feeling nothing but regret.

Meanwhile across the city the redhead slept soundly on Rude's couch. The elder Turk watched his former partner's chest rise and fall calmly in the dim light of the living room.

He mumbled something in his sleep and rolled over facing the back of the couch. Rude sighed shaking his head. What was he going to do? Reno was in the worst shape he had ever seen him in.

A caramel fingertip traces the redhead's jaw gracefully as the hint of a smile played on the man's lips. Reno nuzzled into the couch with a tiny moan like a child.

"Come on Ren.. You gonna come to bed?" Rude whispered to his former Partner.

"Nuu…" Reno mumbled which brought a laugh to Rude's features.

"Just like the old days…" Rude picked up Reno and carried him to the bedroom. It was just like when Reno passed out on the couch from drinking too much, being worn out from a mission, or just too tired to stay up any longer.

Rude undressed him to his boxers without trying to disturb him too much. Then himself, pulling on his favorite black satin pajama bottoms soundlessly. He gazed at the graceful pale form that slept on his bed. Reno gave a smile sigh and shivered against the covers.

Rude kissed the soft cheek of the redhead and tucked him in before crawling into bed beside him. The muscled tan arms encircled him gently as a whisper reached his ear. "I love you Reno.."

"I love you too Rufus.." Reno mumbled back.

Time stopped and Rude froze around the redhead once more… no mater what he did it didn't make any difference. Nothing would ever be the same… Reno would continue to love Rufus but be too stubborn to admit it. Rude would fall back into the background silently watching him suffer as he himself would be tormented by the image of Reno. So close yet so far away… Why is everything that is wanted so unattainable…?

Rude sighed and stroked his ex's hair. "Yeah… Rufus…" He muttered bitterly before squeezing Reno into a hug and falling asleep.

Rude awoke to his alarm clock the next morning. He yawned and stretched carelessly before pushing the covers aside. He paused seeing Reno curled in the corner crying.

"Ren.. You ok?" He asked softly coming to Reno's side.

"Don't call me that…" Reno curled tighter. "Did you enjoy it you sick fuck?" He glared in fury at Rude whose mouth dropped open slightly in question.

"Reno..?" Rude's eyebrow rose in concern "What do you mean?"

"You fucking know what I mean! How could you do that to me?! I was fucking asleep Rude!" Reno shouted, tears welling in his eyes. "Do you think just cause I'm a whore now it gives you some kind of right. Like I don't give a fucking damn?! I thought I could trust you! You of all people!"

"Whoa… hang on Reno.. We didn't do anything! I swear it. Why would you think I would do something like that to you? We just slept beside each other." Rude held up his hands in protest.

"Then why did I wake up to your hands all over me and you kissing my neck? You were trying to nudge inside me Rude! Fucking jerking me off while I was sleeping yo! I thought I knew you!" Rude sounded utterly disgusted.

"What?" Rude had no recollection of any of it... Could he have really been so aggressive when he was sleeping?

"Don't give me that shit! Rude you fucking nearly raped me and you won't even say you're sorry. Fuck this! I'm out of here yo!" The redhead fumed standing to leave.

Rude grabbed his hand only to have it jerked away suddenly. "…Reno.." He pleaded. He didn't understand. How the hell did this happen?

Reno shook his head and stormed out the door.

"Reno! Reno come on! You have to believe me! I don't remember.. I'm sorry! I didn't know! I was asleep…" He followed the ex-Turk to the front door of his apartment. Reno froze looking back to Rude. "I'm sorry…" He pleaded again.

"You were asleep? What kind of sorry excuse is that? You were never like that before." Reno glared before slamming the door to the apartment shut and walking away.

Rude fell to his knees and held his head in his hands as tears threatened to fall. He hadn't cried since Reno left him the first time… Why now…? Damn it why did it hurt so much? How could he screw up so badly without knowing it?

More importantly.. What was he going to do now? He had promised Rufus to bring Reno in today so Rufus could talk to him. He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Damn it.. DAMN IT!" Rude pounded his fist against the floor before calming himself enough to get ready for work.

This was not going to end well and he knew it…

_So once more I'm alone_

_Waiting for you here._

_And what's more you're out there_

_Running from your fear._


	9. Chapter 9

-_Chapter 9_-

_How did I get myself in this mess?_

_When did I get trapped here alone?_

_Lover I need you now,_

_More then you've ever known._

Reno trekked back to his apartment in dismay. He had nowhere to go, Keeto knew where his house was, Rufus would never take him in, and Rude was just like the rest of them. Just another bed, just another customer… Reno glared at the white sheet of paper tacked to his door.

Notice of Eviction:

To Whom It May Concern,

The Management has decided to be a bunch of pricks and evict you for no apparent reason that we can think of. So hit the road jack because of some bullshit that's been going around here and because your life isn't shit enough already you're officially kicked out. We wish to no longer be of assistance to your filthy and questionable hobbies. You have until the end of the month, which is today, to get your stuff out of the apartment. Oh and we will be keeping the damage deposit you gave to us when you moved in just to spite you. Have a shitty life!

Signed,

The Assholes at Management.

Reno read the letter in his own way before crinkling it up angrily and cursing loudly in the hall.

"Tsk tsk tsk… Reno. Is that anyway to act in front of company?" Keeto's smooth voice froze the redhead and sent shivers down his spine.

"You… You fucking did this didn't you?" Reno turned to glare at the blonde businessman.

"Clever boy. Can you guess why?" The pompous asshole smiled.

"Because you're a fucking prick and you do it because you can, just to show me that you're better than me?" The four goons that stood around Keeto didn't threaten Reno; instead it encouraged him all the more to be his usual cocky self. It was ok, he wouldn't mind single-handedly taking them all down in front of Keeto's eyes.

"I told you before I always get what I want and because you still owe me. Reno where are you going to hide? Rufus won't take you, Rude.. well, can we say that ended badly? And now you're evicted. Where are you going to go pretty boy? I mean I could help you out… My offer still stands but… I dunno…." He trailed off holding his chin thoughtfully. "Do I really want a little whore bringing random guys into my offices? Not really…"

Reno started to turn but was blocked by a wall of bodyguard. He glared and tried to shoulder past them but was instead pulled into a tight headlock. They twisted his neck to the side and just before it could snap Keeto raised his hand to stop them. The only thing Reno was thankful for was that they were well-trained bulldogs that stopped on command.

"You either join me Reno or you die. Simple as that." Keeto's voice grew dangerously low while the redhead glared at him from the corner of his eye.

"Go to hell." Reno spat struggling wildly. The goons held him fast and pulled his neck to the side again.

"I'll give you time to decide. Be a good boy Red. Don't struggle, it'll only make it worse." Keeto grew closer and kissed the tender flesh on Reno's collarbone before injecting him with a substance that made him go limp in the goon's arms. "Bring him along, we'll see what his answer is when he wakes up." Keeto turned on his heel with his bodyguards and Reno following swiftly.

June watched this scene from a distance swallowing it down and watching them leave before running the way he came like a cowardly dog with it's tail between his legs.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. President?" The scratchy intercom pulled Rufus's wandering mind away from the view of the city suddenly.

"What is it Joan?" The white clad man asked depressingly.

"There's a man here to see you. He says it's important. Should I send him in?" Came his secretary's reply.

"Go ahead." Rufus sighed giving into the twinge of curiosity.

The door opened quietly and then was shut again as soon as whoever it was, was inside. Light footsteps could be heard stopping a short distance away from the desk.

"State your business." Rufus didn't turn away from the window. He really didn't want anyone to see his tear stained, puffy eyed face today.

"Uhhmm… My name is June Lancaster… I'm Reno's roommate. I.. I just thought you might like to know where he is." The man stuttered timidly.

"And why would I care about where he is? If I cared I would already know. He _was_ a Turk after all. I don't need any lover or _client_ of his to tell me where he is." Rufus snapped angrily.

"He's not my lover or my boyfriend or my client much to my dismay. I'm actually the one to blame for his choices. But that's not the point. I saw him get taken away by Keeto. The President of Edge Tech. Industries, and I just thought you might be worried. He truly does love you. I've seen him, sulking around the apartment day after day and at night when he's sleeping he cries and tosses and turns always calling out for you. He's lost customers because of it. He needs you. You have to find him." June pleaded closing the distance between him and the desk.

"And why don't you? You could be the hero and save him. I'm sure he'd find a suitable way to _pay you back_." Rufus sounded disgusted.

"No wonder why he left you. You're so heartless." June growled low.

The President let out a small bark of a laugh. "You don't know how many times I've been told that." More tears threatened to spill as he heard Reno's voice laugh out the very words June had just said in bed only months before. Then again during one of their many arguments and again in a hardly audible reply to a simple "No Reno, I'm too busy with these new reports tonight, I'm sorry." He had truly been sorry that night as well; he wanted nothing more then to be held by Reno right now. To know everything was ok…

June sighed and shook his head, "You should go after him Rufus. He's injured really badly, Keeto's—"

"I DON'T CARE JUNE!" Rufus bellowed spinning on the man that took a good few steps backwards into a chair. "I have had it with that man and his insufferable acts of indecency! You'd do well to remember your place as well before I have my Turks escort you out." The president glared viciously before turning away curtly.

"Then why are you so defensive over him? Why are you still crying over him Rufus?" June sighed shaking his head at the President's back, the man was a wreck. "Keeto got his goons to beat him up and now they've got him Shiva knows where. Who knows what could have happened to him… If you don't care about him then who will? Everyone deserves a second chance Mr. President." June spoke to him calmly then without another word he left without looking back.

Rufus sighed and swallowed the tears that threatened to overcome him. "If I don't love him others will… He's had plenty of chances." The blonde mumbled to the glass. "But why does he still need my help? Why am I so ready to forgive him still?" He let out another sigh and felt the cold dampness of a single tear against his hot cheek. "..Reno…"


	10. Chapter 10

_And as the sun sets_

_On this untamed scene_

_I feel your love wash over me_

_Even when you're nowhere to be seen._

-_Chapter 10_-_  
_

Reno's body ached too much to move. What the hell had happened? He glared at a moonlight-tinted wall of a room he didn't recognize. A body beside him rolled over with a sigh and nuzzled into the back of his neck. Great… was he working again tonight? Who the hell was this… it clicked.

Keeto.

Reno's body froze and his eyes were wide, he was suddenly very conscious of the world around him and how very naked he was. As he slept Keeto had snaked his way inside him and rubbed him raw. The redhead cringed and felt disgustingly dirty.

Keeto's arm slung around Reno's waist and pulled him close. Reno found it extremely difficult to move, the drug Keeto had so kindly jabbed him with hadn't worn off not to mention his wrists were handcuffed to the headboard. The blonde beside him giggled a little and kissed his neck softly just behind the ear. Reno turned away shuddering. He didn't want to be touched at all right now.

"Ah so you're awake my little whore." Keeto's raspy voice purred into his ear.

"As soon as I'm free you're a dead man." Reno growled dangerously at his captor who only smiled and bit Reno's neck where an already apparent hickey swelled with a purple hue.

"Ah ah ah… that's not nice. Maybe some one wants another taste of_discipline_."

Reno glared and strained against his restraints. This was sick. This whole game was as sick and twisted as some of the old missions he had been sent on when Rufus's father was the president. Keeto's hand brushed Reno's shoulder before snaking down his side to his hip. The blonde's lips brushed against Reno's ear softly as his hand drove straight for the red nest of curls at the base of his cock. Reno pulled away swiftly trying to escape the touch as best he could with the handcuffs keeping him in line.

Keeto let out a small laugh and pulled the redhead back roughly. "It's useless Red. Just give in. I'll even pay you to stay."

"Get the fuck off me!" Reno yelled as he was shoved into the mattress by the blonde's force on his back.

Keeto spread Reno's legs wide apart and slid inside him. Reno struggled viciously against the man, no matter how much it hurt. The blonde crashed him into the headboard letting out a disturbing moan. "Yeah.. Fuck yeah. You feel so damn good when you fight back. I love it." His sinister voice met Reno's ears with a frightening chill. It brought back too many memories of others who had done this to him… Too many others who had taken advantage of him like this..

"…n-no. NO!! NOT AGAIN! NO!" Reno's body fought for its survival. He kicked and thrashed wildly against the bed. He managed out from under Keeto to kick him in the face sending him spinning off the bed to the floor. Reno panted severely due to the drug that was still in his system but he was safe for the few seconds he had.

He started on the handcuffs. Easy. They were the cheap knock of cuffs you could get anywhere… Three seconds he'd be free and running as fast as he could go. Where, would be another issue entirely, but if it was anywhere but here he'd be fine.

What was with everyone? How did everything fall apart like this? His body ached with the drug but he ignored it. It wasn't any worse than what was lying in wait for him on that bedroom floor. Reno shuddered. No. This he could handle. He'd seen worse. Much worse.

Out of habit his feet lead him aimlessly past 7th Heaven Bar and the other joints where he had hung out as a Turk. His mind phased in and out. Remembering all the times he'd run away. How he'd joke around saying it was escape that made his survival.

Escape…

Rufus was never just an escape. In the beginning maybe, for the blonde's sake at least. Sex had been an escape for the both of them but it soon turned into something more. Much more… Especially when Reno started testing his boundaries with the president. He'd flirt with girls or guys in the bars and clubs when Rufus was in plain view and earshot. Just to get a reaction from the stiff cold exterior Rufus usually put up. The last time Reno ever tested him was when Rufus stepped between the Turk and his new found prey, a feisty little brunette who started grinding his body against Reno on the dance floor.

"We're leaving Turk!" Rufus shouted over trance music that exploded through the air. He then grabbed Reno's wrist tightly and jerked him away like a possessive child.

"Hey! Shacho! Come on! I was just…-" Reno protested after being escorted out by his superior.

"You're mine! Got that?! I don't want anyone else to come near you like that again." Rufus let the death grip Reno's wrist and turned away, embarrassed by his display of emotion.

Reno watched Rufus's rose coloured neck turn away from him as the blonde headed for the car. The Turk trotted along side his master and grabbed his arm, spinning him around. Reno pinned the president against the car and kissed him hotly. Rufus's body stiffened then relaxed and wrapped it's arms around the redhead's waist, pulling him closer. Reno's tongue fought through teeth without much difficulty in search of it's partner. The two kissed each other hungrily, Reno nudged against Rufus's thighs letting moans escape through those soft lips.

He tugged at the white dress pants wanting to rape everything from this man who acted like a king. "Spoiled little prince… Show me how you want me to act. Punish me, eh baby? Fuck me 'til I scream." Reno panted biting Rufus's earlobe. He felt like he needed to do everything in his power to please his master.

"Fine. I'll punish you Turk." Rufus pushed off the horny redhead and stepped into the car. "Get in."

Reno nearly leapt over the car to get into the drivers side. He fumbled with the keys jamming them into the lock and igniting the beast.

"Drive me home." Rufus ordered strictly, eyeing the disheveled appearance of the man beside him. Rufus reached into his own pants and pulled out his swollen cock. He rubbed it leisurely moaning over dramatically, breathing hoarsely into Reno's ear.

Reno bit his lip trying to concentrate on driving. In the corner of his eye he saw it. 11 inches crying to be sucked and fucked. "Damn it Rufus… That's not fair! Come on!" He blushed angrily as the blonde jerked off beside him and nibbled at the sensitive neck of his companion.

"Shut up." Rufus's voice was a low dangerous growl, filled with lust and passion. "Suck it." Rufus gripped Reno's ponytail tightly forcing his head down.

"What?! Are you out of your mind?! I'm fucking driving!" Reno blushed as red as his hair.

"Suck it Turk!" Rufus yelled forcing Reno's head into his lap.

Reno kept his hand steady on the steering wheel as his mouth grew nearer to the tip of the president's cock. The blonde shoved him up at the least second. "Are you trying to kill me Reno?!" Rufus gave a devilish grin before the car came to a screeching halt.

Reno's head snapped out of the memory as he jumped back from the curb. The red sports car sped past him its horn blaring. Reno blinked after it then double-checked before he crossed the street.

He was past his old apartment now, past Rude's, past Tseng's…

Tseng… How many times had he escaped those questioning eyes whenever he nearly let slip that he was with Rufus?

The office, the personal meetings with the president, Reno getting put on more and more overnight shifts, the 'business trips'… Always running and hiding… At least there was still one thing he was good at.

"Reno! DAMN IT RENO! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Tseng called out for the Turk. "You have to finish these files before 2 o'clock! YOU HAVE 10 MINUETS!" He yelled walking past the redhead's hiding place. The Turk sniggered and came out turning to run the other way running right into Rufus's chest, sending both men to the floor, Reno landing on top of his superior.

"Shit! I'm Sorry Shacho! You okay yo?" Reno helped up the president quickly.

"Reno for god sakes what are you do-" He was cut off by Reno suddenly pulling him into a storage closet.

"Shh! Tseng's coming." He giggled excitedly. He loved this game.

"What the hell! Reno! What are you-" Again he was cut off by Reno covering his mouth with his hand.

The closet was tiny so Reno's arm stayed around the president's waist, holding him close. Rufus blushed and froze when Reno pressed him closer to the wall.

They both heard Tseng's impatient footsteps outside the door. Reno swallowed thickly; the blonde watched his Adam's apple bob slightly with the action. He fell victim to the man above him, without thinking he kissed the redhead's neck softly.

Reno blinked then looked down suddenly realizing how close they were. He blushed and tried to step back hitting wall and banging his head on a shelf.

"Shh…you want to be caught?" Rufus laughed and pulled his secret lover closer.

"Sh-shacho! I.. I.. Umm… err.. That is… nnnghh…" Reno stammered as the man's quivering lips brushed against the hot flesh of his jaw line. Reno gave in he bit his lip and pressed closer to Rufus.

"What? I thought you wanted to have some fun.." Rufus smirked, implying the obvious. The blonde's arm reached up to wrap around Reno's neck, they brushed the wall, scraping the clean white garb that gracefully hung about the man's shoulders with dirt.

Neither man noticed. They kissed each other softly without sound, Rufus let out a soft gasp as Reno's cold hand buried deep into the waistband of the president's pants. Reno silenced him with more kisses while he stroaked the length of his partner. His other hand quickly undid the clasp on his own pants and pulled out the awaiting fantasy of pleasure.

Rufus tried to turn around but the tiny room forbade him from doing so. The mop and broom in the corner fell over making quite the racket. Making the two freeze starring at the door in wide-eyed horror as someone stopped just outside it. They passed by without looking into the closet washing relief over the two occupants.

Rufus made the slight move back to his original position carefully, letting out a slow breath. Reno bit Rufus's jaw pushing it up to expose his neck before pulling at the buttons on his shirt. The Turk pressed closer pulling at the waistline of his charge's pants nearly ripping them.

He pushed the garment over Rufus's hips hastily as Rufus whispered into Reno's ear tenderly. "Nnnghh.. Yeah.. Fuck me baby." He shed off the pant-leg before he raised his leg high enough until it rested against the wall. Reno nudged against him the president sounded a small moan then bit his lip against it while Reno pushed inside him.

The pressure at the base of the man's spine increased as he rocked the both of them. He pressed his lips to Rufus's collarbone and lifted him up, his legs shaking with effort as he pulled out slowly then pushed in again. Rufus tightened slightly becoming more accustomed to the new sensation. Fuck he was so tight.. It felt so good.. So goddamned good to be inside that man..

That man..

"Rufus…" Reno whispered to the night air. As he crossed through those tall glass doors of the elevator past the receptionist busy flirting with the courier, past the shocked expressions, past the questions, past the hideous whispers and murmurs from onlookers, right up to the large heavy oak doors that he'd been welcomed into so many times before.

He sighed starring at the doors in quiet dismay and hesitation…

His eyes were in a blank trance as he pressed a hand to the wood.

_My mind regrets,_

_My body can't forget._

_The things I've said and done._

_Of all the pain,_

_In all this shame, _

_You are the only one._

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Author's Note: THANKS EVIE FOR THE IDEA! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU!_  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_-__Chapter 11__-_

Rufus slammed the photo into a drawer of his desk quickly at the sudden intrusion. "Tseng, just because you're worried about me doesn't mean—" The man's voice fell off the edge of that sentence when he notice who it actually was. His mouth cracked dry and his heart did somersaults in his chest before plummeting with a hollow thud. "….Reno." He breathed the word like a prayer.

The desecrated redhead was shirtless and shoeless; Rufus didn't even think he knew of these details. His jeans were ripped and more than just a bit dirty. His face was swollen with a blackening bruise on the left side of his jaw. More bruises and large cuts danced on his flesh in obscure patterns as Rufus gazed him up and down. His eyes were blank disks of muddy emerald. His once gorgeous red mane was now a rats-nest of tangles. Rufus stood, his mouth wide open at the shell of a man he once knew. Once loved.

Reno shuffled across the carpet; his feet were raw and as filthy as the rest of him. He reached 10 feet away from the desk and dropped to his knees. The action made Rufus jump, as if an invisible, silent bullet had suddenly hit Reno square in the chest.

Reno's breath abruptly hitched and became unsteady with soft gasps. His eyes shut as he lowered himself to sit on the floor before the angel that was Rufus Shinra. Tears cut clean paths down his cheeks.

"It's your fault!" He accused the angel. "It's all your fault Rufus!" His voice held more emotion as if to compensate for the lack of which showed on his features. Rufus's brows furrowed slightly watching the man break.

"It's your fault.. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you. You were so selfish! How could you be so selfish? Why huh?! Tell me why I'm here! I don't know why I keep fucking coming back here!" Reno let out a cry of anguish as he slammed a fist to the floor.

The president felt a familiar sting in his eyes as he listened to the indictment. The echoing silence that followed Reno's words was nearly unbearable. This man… this damnable flawless perfect killer that wept on his knees before him must have came to destroy what was left of his mind. Rufus sighed and swallowed down the bile in his throat. "I don't know Reno, why don't you tell me? Maybe it's because this is all a fucking set up and you've finally come to actually kill me instead of driving me to hell and back every time I open my eyes."

"What?" Reno's face twisted into utter confusion and the tears flowed more freely at this sudden rejection. "You think I'm here to kill you? No! God no Rufus. I… I just.." He sighed clenching his jaw.

"Then what is it Reno? This is obviously some kind of set-up. Keeto probably sent you in here to catch me off guard and now he's waiting just outside the door for your signal right? Get out of here before I call up my Turks to dispose of you. You're lucky I haven't done so already. I told you never to come back here." Rufus's voice was harsh even to his ears. His heart and mind screamed at him to stop but he kept going. He couldn't stop what he wanted to say for so long. "You say it's my fault? My fault you left? My fault you quit and went back to the filth that you were before? My fault that you couldn't fight your lust over actually using your head? You seriously regret what we had that much?! If you hated me then you should have left long before we even started." He turned his back to the redhead. He couldn't let him know what he would give to hold him now and take it all back.

The words cut deeper than intended. Reno would have done the same to Rufus if he had cheated. He didn't blame his blonde lover for the refusal. The ex-Turk tried to fight back the tears, tried to fight back this twisted guilt that had been hanging over him for so long. "Rufus… I'm not here t-to kill you." His voice shuddered with effort to remain level and strong.

"Then why come back? You don't need me in your life. You proved that. You don't need my companionship; you proved that with Rude and who else? Keeto… June no doubt… Some other _customers worthy of your time_? What do you want with me? What makes you think I'm going to take you back so easily?" Rufus's thoughts were uncontrolled. The words fell out of his mouth as Reno lowered his head.

"I'm literally on my knees begging you Rufus! Please! Come on! I don't know why I'm here I already said that. But maybe it's because I really do need you. Just look at me! I'm a fucking mess! I'm on the run from Keeto and Shiva only knows who else, I'm tired, I'm sore, I nearly got hit by a car on the way over, I'm fed up with the shit I've done, and to top it all off, I got kicked out of my house, beaten unconscious, and raped in a span of 2 hours. Yeah, I can get on just great without you. Fuck Rufus don't you understand? I love—" The redhead was cut short by the pad of a thumb to his lips. He hadn't even noticed how his angel had knelt in front of him.

"Reno." His eyes held so much pain… It just about killed Reno knowing that he had done that to him.

"Rufus I-" Reno tried pleading but bit off the end of that sentence when the president motioned for his silence.

He sighed then started again. "Reno." He searched the green orbs for some kind of answer. "I… I don't want to be hurt again. How do I know that you're going to be true to your word this time? I… Yes I still love you but that doesn't change the fact that you lied. Do you even know how much I can't concentrate without you? You're all I think about. But you cheated Reno. And now look…" The thumb brushed the pale tear off his cheek. "Just look at us. Was this really necessary? I can't hire you back without putting you through re-training again. And it's going to take a long time before I'm ready to take you back completely. But Reno.. Damn it! I just… I just can't get over you. You're the one thing that made living possible… Just promise me you won't run away again."

"Ruu.. I…." Rufus felt a few tears match Reno's and he pulled away to wipe them hastily back. Reno caught his hand and gave the back of it a kiss. "I promise I'll do whatever's in my power to make you happy. I won't run away unless it's running to you. Rufus if you take me back I promise I'll die before leaving your side. I'll do anything you want just name it."

"Tell me you love me." Rufus requested without blinking.

"I love you…. Aishiteru.. Rufus…" Reno pleaded with his eyes, reaching up to gently pull Rufus closer. "Aishiteru…"

"I love you too." The blonde replied softly. Thankful to every god in existence to have him back. At least until he woke up in the morning… It was always a dream… always.. why should this night be any different? Still.. the tears, the voice, the feeling of Reno in his arms. I was so real.. _Please.. if this is a dream, let me never wake from it…_

Reno wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde not caring about the pain in his joints that still lingered from the drug. He had to hold him. His whispered to his angel over and over again, "I'm sorry… fuck I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot Rufus. I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again I promise…"

"Shh… I know…. I know.." Rufus stroaked Reno's hair the Turk stiffened a bit and pulled back. For a second Rufus looked horrified that his Turk would run away again.

"Sorry.. I'm in so much pain right now… Seriously. I can hardly move. The walk over was…. No.. you know what? It was a small price to pay. I deserve much worse than that for what I did to you." Rufus could see it in his movements, he had trouble working his jaw and getting his head to turn to look at him. How much had his mate endured during their separation.

"Don't talk like that… You've gone through more that enough I'm sure…" He told the redhead.

Reno winced and felt his joints start to re-stiffen as sitting on the ground made it harder to get them working. "I need this thing pumped out of my system… whatever they put in me to get me to cooperate sure as hell fucking hurts yo."

Rufus started to help him up to get him to a couch to lie down or maybe the bed in the side room that doubled as an apartment. However, he miscalculated his stepping and how unbalanced the former Turk would be, making the both of them fall back to the floor with a thud. Rufus landed on top of Reno with a small groan.

Reno inhaled sharply at the searing pain, clenching his jaw tightly. The blonde pushed himself up and blushed a bit noting the position they were in. But somehow he couldn't stop himself from making all the pain melt away. He kissed those deeply blushed lips that were swollen with a small cut. There was no objection, Reno relaxed instantly and wrapped his arms around Rufus's waist, slipping a tongue between slightly parted lips with ease. The kiss was slow but desperate, both parties wished to savoir the moment but also fell into complete bliss with each other.

They both swallowed the taste of each other, tongues giving long passionate strokes to each other in much miss appreciation. God how Reno had missed this and how Rufus had dreamed of it in the few months of there separation. It was nearly too good to be true… Rufus finally broke the kiss reluctantly to get off the Turk. He was more than ready to go the next step and more than willing but he needed to take it slow… There was still a chance that this was either a dream or a set-up. Besides, Reno was injured from the looks of it and needed medical attention.

"You need some potions… or maybe just a good night's sleep. I need to think. Here's the key to the side apartment. You can rest in there, call me if you need anything else…" Rufus helped him up and sent him towards the side door with a sigh. "And Reno…. I'm glad to have you back." The redhead smiled a bit at that and nodded shuffling slowly to the side room and closing the door behind him with a soft thud.

Rufus sighed and once more thanked every god he knew of for answering his prayers. The worst was finally over…

_Trapped in your eyes,_

_Caught up with my lie._

_Forfeit and die_

_After one last try._

_Finally I'm moving on._

_Baby, this was all wrong.._

_We wished on the stars_

_For this not to end,_

_It was too good to last._

_More than we can withstend. _

_If you're going to hate me,_

_Then do it with a smile._

_'Cause baby I still love you_

_While our love is on trial._

_Your unearthly beauty,_

_How it pains me to stay._

_Without your soft touch,_

_My mind's gone astray._

_I don't care what you're doing_

_As long as I believe,_

_That you still love me._

_That's all I need._

_Your goodbyes._

_Your soft sighs._

_Do you really not care at all?_

_When in your eyes_

_I see your lies_

_And your world starting to fall._

_Forgive and forget._

_Live without regret._

_Because love's not worth the fight._

_Shut up and kiss me!_

_Fucking just miss me!_

_And hold me close tonight._

_So in this pain I see you_

_And everything you've done._

_Standing strong without me, Love..._

_So it seems that you've won._

_If this is a dream_

_Never wake me again._

_I'd rather die in my sleep_

_Then ever have this end._

_After the dawn's broken. _

_After the moon has set._

_I'll kiss your eyes gently, _

_And pretend we never met._

_I don't know how to act_

_And I don't know what to say, _

_To make this any better_

_Or to get you to stay._

_So you lied again_

_Just to see what I would do._

_You lied again_

_Just to see if I'd go running back to you._

_Weren't we over this?_

_Didn't we say goodbye?_

_I'm fed up with this._

_Darling you're making me cry.._

_Temptation flees._

_Fear sets in._

_What happens when_

_You won't see me again?_

_Believe me when I tell you_

_How sorry I am._

_Believe me when I tell you_

_That I'm a better man._

_It's so hard to trust_

_Anything anymore._

_If you ever wanted me_

_You never would have walked out the door._

_Did you think I was stupid?_

_Did you think I was blind?_

_Our love's burning out now_

_So I'll leave it all behind_

_And as the world stops spinning_

_The final score is this…_

_I'll die a thousand times tonight_

_Just for your very kiss._

_So once more I'm alone_

_Waiting for you here._

_And what's more you're out there_

_Running from your fear._

_ How did I get myself in this mess?_

_When did I get trapped here alone?_

_Lover I need you now,_

_More then you've ever known._

_And as the sun sets_

_On this untamed scene_

_I feel your love wash over me_

_Even when you're nowhere to be seen._

_My mind regrets,_

_My body can't forget._

_The things I've said and done._

_Of all the pain,_

_In all this shame, _

_You are the only one._

_Of all the pain,_

_In all this shame,_

_You are the only one._

-Fin-_  
_


End file.
